THE Joe Moran

All of this is true: My friends would choose the song, "Simply the Best", to describe me. Google it. At one point in my storied life, I was an In-Seat-Server (glorified beer vendor) at Sox Park, a.k.a. US Cellular Field. I've been to the World Series. Steve Martin once shared an elevator with me. I have won 10 Texas Hold'em Tournaments in as many years. I once hit someone into next week. (It was late on a Saturday night, and as my fist connected with his jaw, the Coo-coo clock struck Midnight and poof, it was Sunday.) I won the 2011 Chicken Nugget Invitational. I put seven nuggets down in 60 seconds. Then did it again. I am trying to befriend Mike Tyson via Twitter. I am a HUGE Wilco fan. My elementary school has a set of rules which are named after me. They are called, "THE Joe Moran Rules". I am a White Sox fan. I like tomato sauce but hate tomatoes. I have returned to the island. The TV show, "Dexter", is shot in my neighborhood. We are not in Miami. I like my steak in the pan with butter. Garlic is essential. People have requested my autograph. I have complied. George Harrison is my favorite Beatle. Blue Label is good but I prefer Gold. I believe I could hit one over the fence if given the opportunity to take batting practice at White Sox Park. When I was in the Sixth grade my teacher caught me French kissing my special lady friend. After a long winded lecture, this woman of Education, my teacher, called the special lady friend a tramp. After which she looked me up and down like the tall glass of water that I am, smiled, and called me a stud. Tweet