Here is a fun conversation with the Mayor of Tweaker Alley. Earlier today the Mayor’s Office offered to go to the ‘flower shop’ for me.
SFX: Cell phone rings;
THEJoeMoran: Hello?
Mayor of Tweaker Alley: What up, Joe? It’s the Mayor.
TJM: Oh, hey Mr. Mayor. How ya doin?
MTA: I’m headed to the ‘flower shop’ today and was wonderin’ if you needed anything.
TJM: Wow, that’s really nice of you to call, but I’m good. Besides, I usually get my flowers from Albertson’s, or Trader Joe’s, Ralph’s. I’m good.
MTA: I’m not talkin’ bout those kinda of flowers. This place has some real nice plants. You can’t get plants like these anywhere else.
TJM: Must be some nice plants. You should buy some.
MTA: Man if it were up to me I would buy a couple of plants and split them up and sell them in pieces for $20 each.
TJM: It’s not up to you? Anyways, you should totally do that. You could turn a profit and maybe fix those teeth.
MTA: Well, I can’t really. I mean I could, but I already have 2 strikes on me. If got caught it would be my 3rd strike and I’d go to prison for life, baby.
TJM: Those aren’t the kinda flowers I need.
My obsession with Wilco is growing with their return to LA only 2 weeks away. I have tickets to the Jan. 21st show at the Paladium, WHICH, here it comes: also serves as the Palace Hotel Ballroom in the Blues Brothers movie. Don’t believe me? Google it.
“Orange Whip? Orange Whip? 3 Orange Whips.”
So last night I was watching the NPR series, Tiny Desk Concerts with Wilco. I remember seeing this a couple of months ago, but my friend, @beardedjew, posted a link to it last night so I watched it again, and again, and again. This band is awesome. Watch the Tiny Desk Concert here. These days when I think of Wilco, I think of Chicago. They represent the city well.
I particularly enjoy the song, The Whole Love. Listening to the acoustic version makes me appreciate the song that much more. I love the slide guitar. The new album is the most rounded one they’ve put out in years. It’s a happy album. It’s the whole love, baby.
Today we #celebrate the life of Tooth #19, a.k.a. 1st Molar (6-year molar), who succumbed to his battles with tooth decay and receding gums after a freak accident that happened on Tuesday night. Tooth #19 was pulled Wednesday night at 7:03 PM. He was 34 years old.
On Tuesday night, a gum drop was inserted into the region that is known as Moran’s Mouth. In what has become an all too common practice in the region, protocol was ignored, and the conveyor belt accepted the gum drop and proceeded to roll it back to Tooth #19 before it could be softened up for chewing. Once the gum drop was in place it was too late. When the jaws compressed, the pressure was too much for #19’s crown and it cracked. After 24 hrs, 4 dentists, 2 dental assistants, and 1 accounts receivable clerk, Tooth’s #18 and #20 knew what was up and informed the other teeth.
#19, as he was affectionately known among his friends and family, is survived by 32 other naturally grown teeth in Moran’s Mouth. Born and raised on the south side of town, known as Cavity Junction, #19 will be remembered for having a strong and reliable chomper, breaking down some of the biggest and toughest pieces of food in a career that saw several injuries from minor cavity fillings, gingivitis, and 2 major root canals.
Although the region is stable, a No Chew Zone is in place at Cavity Junction indefinitely. All chewing will take place in the eastern region of Moran’s Mouth, known as Crown Village.
In lieu of flowers please make a donation to the Joseph R. Moran Foundation. All donations go directly to Joseph R. Moran.
With my $25.00 donation to #Movember, I am proud to declare this day, November 5th 2011, Mustachio Day! This donation also kicks off my 2nd year of growing a stache’ for charity.
Last year, with the help of many generous donations from people like you, coupled with the steady follicle growth on my upper lip, I raised over $1000.00 for men’s health. The specific organizations that benefited from last year’s Movember campaign, (who are also a partner this year too), were the Movember Foundation, the Prostate Cancer Foundation, and LIVESTRONG.
What’s new with this year’s Movember push?
Read more
Dear Cubs Fans, I know you’re excited your fanboy owner finally did something right by nabbing Theo Epstein from the Red Sox. Now listen up. Before you run off to the jeweler with your ring sizes, please note that today marks the 6 year anniversary of the Chicago White Sox ending their 88 year World Series drought. The Southsiders did this in wire-to-wire fashion, exhibiting some of the best post season pitching I have ever seen. Happy World Series Day!
Stop it, B!
This album is awesome.
“Whole Love” by Wilco from The Whole Love (2011).
NOMINEE: Favorite song of 2011.
I love this story. I can totally visualize this going down in my head. The mug shots are pretty good too.
Three arrested in bungled beer heist in Covina: In an attempt to escape, they crashed a car, hit an employee who chased them, ran through a car wash and left behind an ID.
This! This is how you do a mugshot, guys.
Photos, from left: Andy Huynh, Nicholas Fiumetto and Nicholas Kalscheuer. Credit: Covina Police Department
(Source: Los Angeles Times)
I will cook mine on Friday night, with a review to follow on Saturday/Sunday. The juices of anticipation are building.
Our story begins last Saturday at the Coldwater Canyon Ralph’s. THE Joe Moran and I were wandering aimlessly through the deli section when an out of place item caught my eye near the Johnsonville Brats. It was wrapped in a burgundy ribbon. It was marbleized. It was huge…
…and it was on sale. Originally 29 dollars, the steak had been marked down to $10.04. We couldn’t believe it. Joe immediately laid a claim on the misplaced steak, citing that he would be purchasing it in lieu of the previously planned brats for the barbecue we were headed to. Swift action was needed on my part, and a quick glance around revealed an entire section of these ribbon wrapped monsters. We were both set with meat and an inflated sense of purpose. It would be days before that sense would pay off.
You can call it my return to cable. Early last week, my administration signed a proclamation ensuring cable television be installed at Chateau Moran shortly after September 10th, 2011.
Over a year ago I embarked on a journey that featured Netflix and Hulu – or any other website that streamed content into my home. I went Internet only, baby!
Read moreAnonymous asked: If the producers of the Tonight Show called and offered you Jay's job, would you take it?
Yes. I would do anything it takes to get Jay off the air.
AMAZING! (Oprah voice). Check out Sungha’s site. This kid is an amazing musician and is worth the time.
Your weekend plans sound lovely but can you get off the damn phone and do your job! Thanks so much! Sincerely, Angry Customer
